The Adriattic

The balls on this guy must be ginormous. Shiny too probably. Blindingly shiny, like staring at a cops flashlight. So I’m selling a $500 Home Depot gift card on eBay, in order to pay for a new dryer for the house and pad my pocket after the yearly christmas piggy bank drain. So I receive an email informing me that a potential buyer has a question. Here’s what the guy wrote:

i have been battling depression, anxiety, bi polar, migraines and other maladies for the past 15 years. I live in a 900 sq foot home that is 38 years old. My parents purchased the home as i promised to pay them (my credit isn’t the best) for the mortgage. Well that was before all this stuff flared up to the point where I can only work part time now. So my retired parents are paying on the house and it eats me alive that I cannot help them. Here is the problem. The house has many issues that need to be fixed. the kitchen pipes just broke and I had a small flood in the house. The main floor bath is only 4×8 barely enough room for anything, and it only has a tub. I would love to have a shower put in, because my shower is in the basement and I usually take alot of showers when i get a migraine, sometimes I get dizzy and am afraid i will fall down the stairs. i am praying to god, any chance you would send me a $500 gift card for free to help me out of this situation? please. 4ever greatful

Eucker

Send me a $500 gift card for free???? Are you fucking kidding me? Who the hell does that? Oh you’re depressed? Here take my money. Fuck that shit. But you know me. I’m not a total monster. If someone needs help I’m willing to lend a hand. Soooooo, I dig a little deeper and look at his eBay profile–which is just about all I can do, but luckily for me that was enough. He’s bought like 15 things off of eBay in the past 6 months alone. And the last thing he sold was in June of 07′ and before that was Jan of 06′. So this guy doesn’t seem like he’s hard up for cash. Oh here’s the kicker. Here is the item he’s currently selling –at a fair market price I might add.

My grandma’s very special holy cross

Here’s the poorly written description. What an eerie similarity it has to the plea he sent me.

My Grandmother (helen) wanted me to have this cross before she passed away. I have severe depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, bipolar you name it. I current take about 8 different pills a day. I am only able to work part time and that will not pay my bills. Also i do not have any health insurance so i have to pay for meds out of pocket. I remember when my grandma first died, i couldn’t find my high school class ring that had been missing about 7 years i think at the time. I held the cross and prayed and in 3 days my ring appeared on a dresser that I had gone over 10 times before and know it wasn’t there beforehand. As you can see from the second odd photo, it has been cracked and glued back together. On one of the worst days of my life, when i was considering taking my own life, the cross mysteriously fell off the wall and broke. To me it was signifing me and my life being broken, and being able to be put back together again with a little assistance from someone. You may say, why not just take the cross and pray for money. I have done that, and when my balance in my checking account hits .01 something usually happens to add a little bit back into the account. I have sold my jetski, tvs, computer, all my stock you name it to stay afloat. I am going to take the cross now, and pray until this auction is over, that someone is going to have this story touch their heart and help me out.

$25,000????? This guy is insane. I like the part where he tells you how much stuff he’s sold to stay “afloat”. BULLSHIT. I hate people like this. They think they can rope any moron just by mentioning jesus and a dead grandmother.

Another day, another idiot.